The engineers, nurses, drivers, testers, cooks, carers, students, designers, researchers, founders and night-shift people who were never anybody's headline. This is the long Schedule because this is most of us.
- Loans. Fast-track sanction within 48 hours. The sanction letter will reach you in nine months. Both statements are true and neither is a joke.
- Retirement. The NPS-Wapsi scheme recognises your 401(k), your Riester, your CPF and your superannuation as service years. One form. Eleven pages. Still fewer than one visa renewal.
- Housing. Interest subvention plus a written possession date from the builder. The date binds the builder in roughly the way a New Year resolution binds a person.
- Schooling. One guaranteed seat per returning child. No donation. No management quota. No interview in which a four-year-old is assessed on leadership potential. This clause alone is worth the airfare.
- Driving. Foreign licence converted without re-test. You will nonetheless need re-training on the horn, which here is a language with tenses. A six-month grace period permits continued use of indicators; nobody will understand them, but the Act protects your right to try.
- Customs amnesty. One container, duty free: the flat-pack furniture you assembled yourself and refuse to abandon, the air fryer, the mattress you still talk about, and up to forty bottles of vitamin D.
- Healthcare. Immediate enrolment for you and both sets of parents. No waiting period, no pre-existing condition clause, no appeal letter written at 1 a.m. to an insurer in another time zone.
- Dignity. No annual renewal. No change-of-employer petition. No sentence beginning “your status is currently”. You are from here. That was always the one thing nobody could revoke.
- Parent Proximity Leave. Twelve additional days per year for medical appointments, bank work, document chasing and any task introduced with “बस पाँच मिनट का काम है”. Documentary proof waived because your parents will call HR themselves.
- Career re-entry. Overseas experience may not be discounted merely because the recruiter has not heard of your employer. “What was your last CTC?” may be asked only after somebody has read page one of your CV.
- Returning children. Language bridge classes are included. No child shall be described as “not Indian enough” before lunch or “too foreign” after lunch.
- Weekends. At least one weekend per month shall contain no IKEA assembly, visa paperwork, tax portal, house viewing or seven-hour grocery expedition. Relatives may immediately fill the vacancy.
